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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905221">What Is This, A Crossover Episode?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxOnPie/pseuds/FoxOnPie'>FoxOnPie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Parliament of Owls [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Owl House (Cartoon), WandaVision (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossover, F/F, F/M, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:08:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxOnPie/pseuds/FoxOnPie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Excerpt from TV Guide: WandaVision gets even bigger with a slew of new cast members: Elle Gonzalez, a spunky tomboy always getting into magical shenanigans; Selena Williams, Wanda's old roommate looking for love in all the wrong places; and Rufus, the smart-mouthed talking dog. Are they welcome additions to the cast or nothing but a cheap way to bring the ratings even higher? Tune in to find out!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Lilith Clawthorne/Pietro Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff/Vision</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Parliament of Owls [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Is This, A Crossover Episode?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
  <p>Luz had never been angrier with anyone in her life than she was with Lilith, not even her mom at her worst, and with Eda having just sacrificed her freedom to protect her for a second time, it was good that she had shown up right when she was in the mood to punch her in the face. Or, rather, send a stream of vines her way to trap her like a rat. She broke out in a second, sure, but Luz only needed a second to jump on her and start punching her, scratching her, start calling her names that wouldn't be appropriate for children's programming, whatever she could manage with her tiny body.</p>
  <p>"Ah, stop! What is wrong with you?" Lilith asking that just made Luz go at her harder. The nerve of her to act like she hadn't done anything wrong; Luz had had her fill of that on Earth, and she wasn't going to stand for it on the Boiling Isles, especially from someone like her. The fact that her fit of violence combined with Lilith's struggling sent them both tumbling through the portal barely even affected her, as did King jumping in after them and yelling that they weren't supposed to go in the portal because of how oddly red it was; all she cared about was doing everything in her power to make Lilith hurt as much as she was hurting.</p>
  <p>That was the last thing on Luz's mind before everything around her went red and the world seemed to split apart.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Elle had never been happier with anyone in her life than she was with Selena, not even with her mom at her best, and with her finally being free from the seemingly endless prison that was summer camp, it was good that she was there whenever she was in the mood to have a good time. Especially when that good time involved watching Selena summon the spirits of the departed for a well-choreographed musical number.</p>
  <p>"Thank you, thank you, you've all been great, really. Now back to the underworld with the lot of you," Selena said. The skeletons all said their goodbyes and one awkwardly laughed when Selena told him to call her. That Selena. Always looking for love in all the wrong places, Elle thought.</p>
  <p>"That was so cool, Selena! All the dancing, the lights, the surprise appearance of the Harlem Globetrotters, it was totally radical!" Elle bounced up and down with all of the energy one could expect from a nineties tomboy to the point that the necklace she had owned for as long as she could remember—she couldn't remember how long that was, for some reason—almost flew right off of her neck, but she kept it from slipping off just in the nick of time.</p>
  <p>"Yeah, sure, when Elle asks you to summon the dead, you're all ears, but when I ask you to make me a sandwich, you can't hear me because I'm 'sexist'. You know, this is why you're still single."</p>
  <p>"Yes, yes. Care to tell me the last time you had a chance to bury your bones, old boy?" That snide remark from Selena did a good job of shutting up Rufus, Elle's smart-mouthed talking dog; he was always quick with a remark, yet it was very easy to put him down. An odd, but entertaining contrast of traits.</p>
  <p>"Man, I wish I knew how to do magic. My life would be so awesome if I could do that," Elle said.</p>
  <p>"Don't be silly, Elle. You know more magic than anyone else your age," Selena said.</p>
  <p>"I'm not talking about close-up magic, Selena! I mean, sure, I've learned to move my hands with the grace of some sort of beautiful gazelle person," Elle demonstrated that by pulling out an assortment of playing cards, roses, and ALF pogs from various hiding spots on her person, "but I'm looking to do more than entertain at a birthday party."</p>
  <p>"Hey, that'll never happen, kid. You'd have to be entertaining to make that work," Rufus said, his body moving in an almost puppet-like manner until he abruptly stopped, almost like he was waiting for someone to laugh at his joke. Rather than a laugh, Selena conjured a gloved hand and had it flick Rufus in the face.</p>
  <p>"See? That's what I mean. <em>That's </em>the magic I want to learn! Real, bonafide, gnarly witch dealies that'll make parents even dumber than my mom think I'm a devil worshipper!"</p>
  <p>"Hey, speaking from personal experience, you really don't want to get too chummy with the devil," Selena said, laughing at her own statement for whatever reason.</p>
  <p>"Just gonna let that one hang, are we? Yeah, that's definitely something the kid needs to contemplate, if you ask me," Rufus said.</p>
  <p>"Shut up. Anyway, we've been over this: humans can't do magic in this world, so as long as we're living here, you're just plain out of luck."</p>
  <p>"But Wanda's human, and she can do magic!" Elle almost stopped herself short, but she wasn't sure why. She was just talking about Wanda, someone she had known for practically all of her life, but for a split second, it almost felt like she shouldn't know anything about her. That didn't make sense, of course, because it was Wanda. Everyone knew Wanda and everyone loved Wanda, especially Elle.</p>
  <p>"Wanda is, um, special. I knew that the moment I started rooming with her at Strange Academy. Strange Academy? What's—Yes, Strange Academy! The place where all witches and wizards go to learn how to use magic properly, that's it!" Elle didn't understand why Selena sounded so unsure of herself, but it was probably nothing to be concerned about. "No one had ever seen anyone do what Wanda can do, so she's hardly the best example to use for defending your case."</p>
  <p>"Yeah, I know." Elle didn't even question why she was suddenly so accepting of Wanda being a person, because there was no reason for it.</p>
  <p>"You're lying to me, aren't you?"</p>
  <p>"What gave you that idea? The fact that you spend every week cleaning up the messes she makes trying to learn magic? No, that can't be it," Rufus said.</p>
  <p>"He's right! That can't be it because it's definitely not it!"</p>
  <p>"Eleanor." The staredown Selena was giving her, combined with the use of the full name she hated, made Elle think she was about to be stabbed in the face, but then it all got turned around when Selena patted her on the head the way she liked to do. "Come on, let's head back to town. You've got to babysit the twins soon, right?"</p>
  <p>"Yeah, the little monsters." Elle's joke got a bit of a laugh from Selena and an eye-roll from Rufus; all in all, it was a good joke.</p>
  <p>With that, Eleanor "Elle" Gonzalez, her mother's friend from work who also doubled as a witch, Selena Williams, and her smart-mouthed talking dog Rufus started the trek back to Westview, the completely mundane town that they lived in, save for the odd magical and inhuman thing living about.</p>
  <p>For some reason, Elle thought that there was a problem with that for a split second.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Going back into town, it took Elle bringing it up with Selena for her to remember that she needed to use magic to hide her pointed ears from the people who weren't in the know; it seemed odd that she had to be reminded of that and that either one of them thought it was a thing that had to be done, but the feeling only lasted for an instant before she remembered that that was how it always was. Elle put whatever that was aside as she, Selena, and Rufus kept walking to Wanda's house, passing by all of the kindly townsfolk Elle had known for her entire life like Dottie Jones, head of the homemaker's committee, her husband and resident clown Phil, and Herb, the only other black person in Westview aside from Elle and her mother. Elle didn't know why she felt the need to think about that, but it was out there, and before she could decide if she wanted to think about it more, Selena was already ringing the doorbell to the Maximoff house.</p>
  <p>"Hi, um, Selena, Elle, it's good to see you two!" Wanda Maximoff greeted them at the door with a smile so chipper that Elle barely thought about why it seemed to take her a second to say their names. That was just Wanda, she supposed, and nothing was wrong with that.</p>
  <p>"What am I, chopped liver?" Rufus asked.</p>
  <p>"I wish," Selena said, rolling her eyes. Rufus barked at Selena, but the barking turned to whimpering when Wanda started petting his head.</p>
  <p>"Oh, I'm so sorry, Rufus. I can't believe I forgot about you. You'd think a smart-mouthed talking dog would be impossible to forget, but you just slipped my mind, I guess," Wanda said. Rufus licked her hand a bit and Wanda shrugged her shoulders before inviting them all inside. "So Elle, we're only gonna be out for four hours at most, but there's a list of numbers to call on the table in case something goes wrong. There's food in the fridge for you and the boys, and there's also a little extra money in case you feel like getting takeout. Don't tell your mother, though."</p>
  <p>"Believe me, I wouldn't," Elle said, matter-of-factly.</p>
  <p>"The boys are right here, make sure they're in bed by ten. Boys, Elle's here, say hi!" Wanda walked them over to the living room where Wanda's twin boys, Billy and Tommy Maximoff, were having a go at their Super Nintendo, and to Elle's joy, they paused their game to greet and hug her.</p>
  <p>"Ow ow ow, okay, not so hard guys," Elle said as she pried them off of her. "Man, you two are getting big. Feels like only yesterday you were a couple of babies."</p>
  <p>"Last week, but who's counting?" Wanda asked with a shrug.</p>
  <p>"Mom's worked with Ms. Gonzalez since the first day she moved to Westview, so whenever we need babysitting, Elle's always the first person she calls," Billy said.</p>
  <p>"Elle's the best. She plays all the same games we play and lets us eat nothing but junk food all night!" Tommy said.</p>
  <p>"Yeah, that's nice, but I like her because she's always nice and fun and pretty in any light—I mean, not that. Something else, yeah." Elle didn't really understand why Billy was acting so embarrassed about what he was saying. More importantly, she didn't understand why he and Tommy had turned away from everyone to say those things.</p>
  <p>"Hey, why are they talking like we can't hear them?" Elle asked Selena.</p>
  <p>"Why is who talking like we can't hear them? Wanda was the last one to say anything," Selena whispered back. That confirmed what Elle had the strangest feeling of: she was the only one who heard Billy and Tommy.</p>
  <p>"Hey, Elle? I don't know what has you looking all troubled like that, but it's probably not as big a deal as you're making it out to be, okay?"</p>
  <p>"Yeah, you're probably right." If Wanda was saying it wasn't a big deal, then it probably wasn't a big deal.</p>
  <p>"Right? Hey, Viz, are you ready yet? We can't keep Juanita waiting, you know." Juanita was Elle's mother's name; she didn't know why she needed to remind herself of that.</p>
  <p>"I'm here, I'm here. Got caught up in my work and—Oh my God!" Vision phased through a wall to greet them in the living room and recoiled at the sight of them; an odd thing to do with people who had known him for years, but Elle supposed it was just a weird thing about robots she didn't understand, like how a robot was able to impregnate a human.</p>
  <p>"Got too good a look at Selena, did you? You poor, poor man," Rufus said.</p>
  <p>"Zip it, mutt," Selena said. "Also, what are you doing, Vision?"</p>
  <p>"What am I doing? Well, um, a magic trick!" Vision said. "Yes, I'm working on refining my illusions and my, um, <em>flourish</em> and so forth; there's a lot of mirrors involved to make it look like impossible things such as phasing through walls, and I thought that a bald cap and this sort of bizarre makeup would help to—"</p>
  <p>"Viz, seriously, what are you doing? These are some of the only people in town who know who we are," Wanda said. Vision's confusion only seemed to further increase with Wanda's statement.</p>
  <p>"They are?"</p>
  <p>"Of course they are! We've got Selena, my, you know, old roommate from Strange Academy, Juanita's daughter Elle who has just the right amount of spunk you'd expect from a tomboy of this decade, and her smart-mouthed talking dog Rufus, because who wouldn't want one of those, right? I think that's right. Any complaints from any of you?" Wanda asked the three of them that question so casually, but for a split second, Elle felt as if there was something in Wanda's question that was supposed to be taken as a threat. Of course, because it was only a split second, Elle didn't pay it much mind, and it didn't take long for her to nod along with the rest of them.</p>
  <p>"Oh, yes, how silly of me! I'm sorry, everyone, I guess I've been so busy with work that my mind is just all over the place. Eleanor—Yes, that's what Elle is short for—Eleanor being here certainly didn't help things in the slightest."</p>
  <p>"Did I do something wrong, Vision?" Elle asked.</p>
  <p>"No, you didn't do anything, Eleanor. It's just that it's a truly amazing coincidence for me to see you right now. I mean, it was just the other day that Wanda and I were having a rather <em>riveting </em>discussion about the lack of children in Westview, and now, all of a sudden, there's a child in my home, as if <em>someone </em>is trying to make me believe I'm going crazy." The usually passive Vision had a level of anger in his voice that Elle didn't know what to make of.</p>
  <p>"Yes, I remember that little discussion pretty well, thanks for bringing it up when no one asked you to. Honestly, though, it completely slipped my mind that Elle was babysitting until she showed up here, almost like I had <em>no idea </em>she was going to be here, so maybe you could do us all a favor and give that <em>someone </em>a little more credit, okay?" One could cut the metaphorical tension with a metaphorical knife.</p>
  <p>"Uh-oh. Mom and Dad are being passive-aggressive. That's how you know they're really mad at each other."</p>
  <p>"It's also how you know a fight's about to break out. It's sad, but it's still pretty cool to watch." Once again, Billy and Tommy turned away from everyone to comment on the situation, and once again, only Elle seemed to be noticing that they were saying anything at all.</p>
  <p>"Hey, you mind doin' this outside? I don't want any grease stains gettin' on my couch-bed unless I'm the one makin' them." Seemingly out of nowhere, both because of his enhanced speed and the fact that Elle didn't realize anyone else was in the house, Wanda's brother Pietro came in and cut the tension with a lighthearted wisecrack, as he was often known to do.</p>
  <p>"How does a grown man in his thirties completely fail at something so simple as having his own bed?" Selena asked, her tone filled with venom and contempt.</p>
  <p>"I don't know, but I <em>do </em>know that I do it in style. Unlike you, Ms. Tight Ass," Pietro said.</p>
  <p>"I'd say it's more flat than tight," Rufus said.</p>
  <p>"Hey, stop it There are little kids here!" Elle said. She put her hands against Billy's ears, and Tommy laughed as Billy started looking a little red; Elle hoped he wasn't coming down with a fever.</p>
  <p>"Seriously, why do you two need to go off on each other every time you're in the same room?" Wanda asked.</p>
  <p>"That's our dynamic, duh," Pietro said. "We act like we hate each other, but that's just because we don't want people to know how much we really like each other. That goes on for a season or two before we finally start smooshing booties, and then our big wedding is the most-watched event of the year. I mean, I would have been happy as just the wacky uncle, but hey, this is what you wanted, so no point in complaining about it." Parts of that made sense to Elle, and parts of it didn't make sense to Elle.</p>
  <p>"Wait, can you say that again?" Elle asked. "What do you—"</p>
  <p>"You know, I think we both lost our heads there for a moment, Wanda. Let's just try and have a good night, shall we?" Vision asked.</p>
  <p>"Wait, but he—"</p>
  <p>"I'll see what I can do with this guy here, but I guess that's what alcohol is for: helping you tolerate dicks," Selena said.</p>
  <p>"I just want to—"</p>
  <p>"Be a little nicer, and I can help with that <em>a lot</em>," Pietro said with a wink, the man then pausing as if he were waiting for some sort of reaction to play out.</p>
  <p>"No, you said something about—"</p>
  <p>"Well, we should really get going. We'll tell your mom you said hi, Elle!"</p>
  <p>"You don't have to do that, just—" The fifth time Elle found herself interrupted was due to the adults all exiting the house and closing the door behind them. Elle tried to gather her thoughts about the whole ordeal, but as she did, she found herself having trouble remembering what she even wanted to comment on in the first place.</p>
  <p><em>Well, if I can't remember it, it's probably not important</em>, Elle thought with a shrug of her shoulders.</p>
  <p>"Hey, Elle, can we have ice cream for dinner again?" Tommy asked.</p>
  <p>"No. You guys are apparently ten now, so you need to eat healthier, which is why we're having potato chips and gummy bears for dinner." The boys both cheered at the revelation, just as Elle hoped they would.</p>
  <p>"Yeah, real healthy food choices there, what with all of the fake fruit used to flavor gummy bears and all the salt and trans fats that drown out the potatoes in the potato chips," Rufus said. "Then again, I'm a dog, so I sometimes eat my own feces, so I don't really have the high ground here. I'm still gonna take it, though." As if to go along with that point, Rufus sat down on the couch to increase his elevation; for a second, it sounded as if a human-sized body sat down on the couch, but all Elle could see on the couch was Rufus, so all that was on the couch was Rufus.</p>
  <p>"Okay, let's rock and roll, boys! Who wants to get up on my shoulders to reach the junk food?"</p>
  <p>"I bet <em>Billy </em>does," Tommy said.</p>
  <p>"Shut up!" Billy said. As he yelled at Tommy for whatever he was supposed to be taunting him about, a bolt of lightning suddenly flew out from Billy that Tommy dodged with the same kind of superhuman speed that his uncle could use. Tommy blew a raspberry before speeding off somewhere else, and Billy, after turning away from Elle while muttering something under his breath, teleported out of sight.</p>
  <p>Elle didn't know they could do those things; she had been confused about several things today, but she could feel that even with that, she hadn't known about them having powers, but there they were. And now there was a burn mark on the floor.</p>
  <p>"<em>Ay, caramba</em>," was all Elle could say about that, hoping that she was due for an upswing of events relatively soon.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Elle was not due for an upswing of events at any point in time. As it turned out, giving junk food to a couple of kids who were apparently developing superpowers of their own wasn't the best idea, but when Rufus was trying to tell her that, she felt challenged and doubled down on it. As such, it was really Rufus' fault that she had completely lost control of the situation, not hers. It was Rufus' fault that Tommy kept leaving footprints and skid marks on the walls and furniture and why Billy kept melting things with laser beams whenever Tommy said something about her to him, not hers. Still, she was the babysitter, so it was probably her job to try and rectify the situation.</p>
  <p>"Guys, you both need to just calm down and start chillaxin' to the max, already," Elle said. Tommy responded by throwing one of Billy's <em>Sailor Moon </em>toys through a nearby window, an act she sincerely hoped wasn't intended for her head.</p>
  <p>"This is going about as well as I expected," Rufus said while watching an episode of <em>Horsin' Around</em>; something about that didn't seem right, but the stuff with Billy and Tommy made it too hard to think about that.</p>
  <p>"Okay, you guys are not being gnarly at all, I hope you know that!"</p>
  <p>"Oh yeah? Watch me run through that wall, Elle, that'll show ya!" Tommy said while hopping up and down like a jackhammer. The second he stopped was the second he sped at the nearest wall, but rather than phase through it, all he did was leave a Tommy Maximoff-sized dent in it before falling over with a bloody nose.</p>
  <p>"Oh my God, Tommy!" Elle and Billy ran over to Tommy to make sure he was okay. He wasn't unconscious, so that was good, but he looked ready to try it again the second he stood back up, which was bad. Fortunately, Billy managed to trap him inside of some sort of forcefield and he—hopefully—bounced harmlessly against it. "Wow, that was awesome, Billy!"</p>
  <p>"Um, yeah, thanks," Billy said as he avoided eye contact with her, for some reason.</p>
  <p>"No, I mean it! Magic is so rad. I wish I could do it, but a cool dude like you getting to use it is almost as good, too!" Elle patted Billy's head, and for some reason, he flung his arm out and made Tommy fly through the railing of the staircase. The barrier faded and Tommy shouted, "You're dead, dork!" before tackling Billy at superspeed. From there, the two grappled one another and Billy teleported around the house at random, usually breaking something every step of the way.</p>
  <p>"Oh, man, this is so bad. And not the good kind of bad that means good, I mean the bad kind of bad that means bad!"</p>
  <p>"And you are the annoying kind of annoying that means annoying, in case you didn't know," Rufus said as a lighthearted joke from <em>Horsin' Around </em>played out.</p>
  <p>"Are you just going to sit there doing nothing but mock me?"</p>
  <p>"I'd certainly like to, and it'd be a hell of a lot easier if you didn't talk so much." Billy and Tommy then teleported in front of the TV and knocked it over with a crash; the two didn't give it an ounce of acknowledgment before they vanished from sight again. "And just like that, I have a personal investment in all of this. Elle, do something already."</p>
  <p>"I've been trying, but all that junk food you let me let them eat is making them not listen to me!" Rufus rolled his eyes at her. "Shut up. Wait, Maybe I can try—" Elle reached into her pocket and pulled out a few blank sheets of paper. As soon as she did, she realized that she had no idea what she had been planning to do with them, nor did she understand why it felt strange to see that they were blank. "This is not radical, I'm pretty sure." The sound of Billy and Tommy breaking something else in the house snapped Elle out of whatever it was that had come over her.</p>
  <p>"Just call someone, already!" For once, Elle decided to listen to Rufus, even if it meant she would likely get in trouble with the adults, especially with one of those adults being her mom when things still weren't all that great between them. Wanda would probably be the most understanding, so it seemed like a good idea to dial her pager before anyone else's, which was what Elle decided to do as she ran to the kitchen for the list of numbers.</p>
  <p>Elle picked up the paper and saw an odd flash of purple enter vision for a brief moment. As she fought down the odd sensation of disgust that the color purple invoked, she looked down on the paper again and saw that one number, in particular, was circled with a heart and had the message, "The absolute best person to call" written next to it. Elle didn't remember seeing that before, but it looked like Wanda's handwriting, so if Wanda thought this person was the best, then they had to be the best, which was why Elle wasted no more time in grabbing the phone and dialing the number.</p>
  <p>"Hi, hello, this is Elle Gonzalez, my mom is friends with Wanda and I'm babysitting their kids, but things are getting super crazy and I'm in way over my head, so I need help! Please help!" Elle spoke faster than she had ever spoken before and hoped that she did a good job of getting her point across.</p>
  <p>"Oh, aren't you just a precious little thing?" Elle had apparently done an even better job than she thought she did because almost immediately, the back door in the kitchen opened up, and in entered a messy-haired woman with a wide smile, a cellphone in one hand, and, for some reason, a poncho draped over her body. A strange woman just walking into the house uninvited was a perfectly reasonable thing for the time period they were living in, but it was the poncho that was truly worth questioning.</p>
  <p>"Are you the person I was just on the phone with?"</p>
  <p>"I sure hope so, sweetie," the woman said as she hung up her cellphone. "I'm Agnes, the Visions' neighbor to the right. My right, not theirs. I don't think I recognize you, though. Or that little furball on the couch chewing up the upholstery."</p>
  <p>"What? Rufus, knock it off!" Rufus did just that, but not without growling a little at Elle. "I'm Eleanor, but my friends call me Elle. I've been away at summer camp the past few weeks, but now I'm back and trying to have a go at living in town with all sorts of spunk, or something."</p>
  <p>"Oh, is that what you're doing here? What'd you do have to do to get back into town, anyway?"</p>
  <p>"Take a bus?" Elle didn't know what sort of point Agnes was trying to make, nor did she understand the way that her smile appeared to gain a little extra emotion to it. However, her vision became clouded in purple for a brief moment once more, and by the time she was done being disgusted by it, she forgot what she was even thinking about.</p>
  <p>"My oh my, isn't all that fun to think about?"</p>
  <p>"Yeah, sure, can you please help me? Wanda's note said you were the best for the job, so you can do something, right? Also, why are you wearing a poncho?"</p>
  <p>"Well, children live in this house, so that means everything in here is going to be sticky and disgusting, and I get enough of that from Ralph in the bedroom." Agnes laughed at her own joke and Elle didn't know what to make of that. "Okay, so where are the little rugrats, anyway?"</p>
  <p>"Oh, you know." Billy and Tommy popped into view for a second before popping over onto the couch and startling Rufus. "Around. You knew that was a thing, right?"</p>
  <p>"I knew that it <em>could</em> be a thing. Don't you worry, Eleanor, ol' aunt Agnes will take care of this." Agnes strutted over to the living room while humming a playful tune. Elle had no idea what was about to happen; maybe she was going to yell at the top of their lungs and tell them to go to their room, or something along those lines?</p>
  <p>No. What Agnes did was snap her fingers that caused a wave of dark-colored light to fly through the air and hit Billy and Tommy, putting the boys to sleep in an instant as they harmlessly fell to the floor.</p>
  <p>A single "Holy crap" from Rufus did a good job of summing up Elle's thoughts on the matter.</p>
  <p>"Y-Y-You!" Elle stammered out.</p>
  <p>"M-M-Me! In all seriousness, though, stuttering can be a serious problem that relates to larger anxiety issues, so you should get that checked out," Agnes said.</p>
  <p>"That's not—I mean—You just did magic! And you're a human!"</p>
  <p>"Yeah? So what? It's not <em>that </em>big a deal."</p>
  <p>"Yeah, it is, lady. Selena said that Wanda's the only human who can do magic, and then you just waltz in here doing your own brand of Houdini nonsense. What's up with that?" Rufus asked.</p>
  <p>"I guess it just means this Selena lady has a lot to learn about magic, because Wanda is clearly not the only human witch in Westview. She's probably not even the best, but you didn't hear that from me, kids," Agnes said. She winked as she leaned against a wall, only to jump back after backing into some pudding that one of the boys had flung against it. "See? Poncho! Anyway, let's get the rugrats to bed and clean up a little before we keep talkin', okay?"</p>
  <p>"Yeah, got it!" Elle said with a great deal of enthusiasm. She scooped Billy and Tommy up in her arms and ran upstairs faster than she had ever run anywhere before. She couldn't keep herself from feeling excited. Not when the greatest thing to ever happen to her was happening to her.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>After Billy and Tommy were tucked away, Agnes showcased more of her magic by reversing all of the damage that they had caused by simply pointing at the affected objects and areas. Rufus was more than happy to get back to watching <em>Horsin' Around</em>, and Elle was more than happy to see more human magic in action.</p>
  <p>"Hey, Eleanor, you mind turning down the smiles just a smidge? All of your sparkling is figuratively blinding me over here," Agnes said, putting a hand over her face in a mocking gesture as she rooted through the fridge for something to eat.</p>
  <p>"Sorry, sorry, this is just so exciting! A real human witch who isn't some sort of super exception to the rule like Wanda! I've always wanted to meet someone like that; I've always wanted to <em>be </em>someone like that!" Elle said as she bounced a bit for joy.</p>
  <p>"Oh yeah? So what was stopping you?" Agnes closed the fridge after pulling out a Go-Gurt that she took one sip of before throwing it away with a disgusted look on her face.</p>
  <p>"I mean, probably the fact that everyone said that humans couldn't do magic. Selena, my mom, um, I don't know, someone I met at camp whose name starts with an 'A', I think? I don't know where that came from, honestly, but everyone's always just told me not to bother trying, so—"</p>
  <p>"So you listened to them like some kind of chump, did you?" Agnes cut in. That wasn't the exact terminology Elle would have gone with, but she nodded her head, regardless. "See, that was your first mistake, Eleanor: you let other people tell you what you can and can't do, when you're the only one who gets a say in that."</p>
  <p>"But I've tried a lot of times to do magic, and whenever I do, I just kickstart some sort of weekly hijink that puts people in danger until Selena helps me fix it; sometimes the hijinks carry over into the next week, and while those ones are definitely more entertaining than the usual hijinks, it all still ends with me not being able to do an ounce of magic."</p>
  <p>"That doesn't mean you <em>can't </em>do it, though. I mean, hell, if some egocentric surgeon with bum hands can become a sorcerer and selfishly horde a fraction of infinite power just to let it be reduced to dust, then anything should be possible, right?"</p>
  <p>"Um, yes?" Elle didn't know what Agnes was talking about, but she seemed too oddly agitated for her to want to argue with her. It helped that Agnes was being more supportive about her desire to learn magic than the other adults in her life, especially her mother.</p>
  <p>"Sorry, inside joke, you had to be there. Say, here's something that could be fun: why don't <em>I </em>teach you how to do magic?" If Elle had been drinking something, it would have been spat out against the wall for dramatic effect.</p>
  <p>"Y-You want to teach <em>me </em>magic? Why?"</p>
  <p>"You want to teach <em>her </em>magic? Why?" Rufus asked with even more disbelief than Elle.</p>
  <p>"Well, for starters, I'm feeling a little bored around here," Agnes said. "I had some stuff I was working on that isn't moving nearly as fast as I wanted it to move, but maybe I can get things going by showing you a thing or two, and if not, maybe I just kill some time." That was not exactly the answer Elle was looking for. "But still, it could be fun having my own little apprentice. Teaching them the ropes, imparting all my wisdom on them, pitting them against my enemies, getting into all sorts of shenanigans. That could be fun, right?"</p>
  <p>"Wait, what was that about—"</p>
  <p>"Don't you want a bit of that, too? To get a chance to show up all the people who said you couldn't do all the things you want to do?" Just like that, Elle forgot what she was doing, almost as if some sort of spell washed over and took all of her troubles away.</p>
  <p>"Okay, yeah, let's do it! Yeah!" Elle went to give Agnes a high five, but it wasn't until she had wrapped her hand around her poncho that it was reciprocated.</p>
  <p>"Alrighty, then! So just pop over to my place whenever you're done with whatever wacky adventure you get into that day for some real magic lessons, not whatever Selena's doing with you. Let's also keep this between us, okay? I don't really know Selena all that well, and I'm kinda waiting until I have a big surprise ready for Wanda before I spill the beans to her."</p>
  <p>"Yeah, sure, no problem."</p>
  <p>"I don't care enough about any of this to say anything," Rufus said from the couch.</p>
  <p>"Great! See you when I see you, and don't be alarmed if you're in my house and you smell something gross that makes you want to vomit; that's just Ralph's natural musk." Agnes laughed at her own joke before exiting the house as effortlessly as she entered it. Elle just sat down on the couch and started watching <em>Horsin' Around </em>with Rufus, barely caring about any of that. It was, after all, hard to care about something so minor when everything was finally going your way.</p>
  <p>That was how Elle felt about things, and there was no reason for her to think differently.</p>
  <hr/>
  <p>Things weren't going how Belos had planned for them to go, which meant that things weren't going well. He had seen the way Lilith had reacted to something so obvious as him deciding not to heal Eda the Owl Lady—it might have been partially his fault for lying, but it was also on her for not noticing such an obvious lie—and came to the conclusion that there was a high chance of her going turncoat and helping the human witch and her demon free Eda, and as such, he decided to wait for them in the shadows so he could rightfully punish her for her betrayal and obtain the portal key all in one sitting.</p>
  <p>It was all very well planned out, if he didn't say so himself, so it was simply bizarre that he had spent the better part of an hour waiting in the shadows, yet they hadn't shown up. Even if Lilith had surprisingly not disappointed him by betraying him, the human certainly would have found a way to take advantage of Lilith's overall incompetence, slip past her, and eventually come to the exact same spot where Belos had always planned to defeat her. Nothing of the sort was happening, he didn't understand why nothing of the sort was happening, and at that point, it was just downright rude.</p>
  <p>"And I went to all the trouble of bringing the spare throne out of storage, too. My chiropractor's bill is definitely coming out of <em>someone's </em>paycheck," Belos said.</p>
  <p>All of a sudden, there was laughter in the air. Confused, Belos looked around to see who could have possibly intruded on his personal space without him noticing—the list of people who could was especially small with Odin and the Ancient One dead—but there was no one around.</p>
  <p>"That's… unsettling." Once again, laughter filled the air, even though there was no one to provide it. "Okay, whatever this is, it needs to stop, and whoever is doing it needs to prepare to have a tentacle wrapped around every orifice!" A legion of surprised gasps came out of nowhere. "Yes, that's the kind of response you should be making, but you should also be showing yourself so I can punish you!" Before Belos could lay out another well-deserved threat, his scroll started ringing, its ringtone a rather humorous pop song that acted at odds with the image he tried to convey to the public.</p>
  <p>He usually didn't have a problem with it in private, but the fact that it was accompanied by more phantom laughter made him regret it.</p>
  <p>"What? What is it?" Belos asked, angrily answering his scroll as soon as he summoned it from its pocket dimension.</p>
  <p>"My lord, we have a problem with the Owl Lady's petrification." It was Kikimora on the other end of the line, because of course, it was.</p>
  <p>"Are the people rallying for her release in some foolhardy showing of camaraderie? I'm pretty sure I told you to ignore something like that because it was stupid," Belos said, his statement accompanied by more phantom laughter.</p>
  <p>"No, the main thing is, well, whatever <em>that </em>was." Once again, a fit of phantom laughter sounded off from nowhere. "See? Everyone keeps hearing laughter coming from nowhere, even with things that aren't that funny. There's also random sounds of clapping, applause, oohing and aahing, and it just goes on and on like that."</p>
  <p>"Huh. That is, indeed, odd." More phantom laughter. Belos was going to enjoy killing the person responsible.</p>
  <p>"That isn't all, my lord. As the petrification machine was powering up, another device in the courtyard suddenly started glowing. One that resembles a large figure in armor with six eye-like markings on their helmet and holding a staff?" Phantom oohs and aahs accompanied Kikimora's statement.</p>
  <p>"What?" was all Belos could say to that.</p>
  <p>"The staff was where the glowing was concentrated. I believe there might be a connection between that and this strange phenomenon, but I'm unfamiliar with this device. What does it do, exactly?" Belos made no effort to answer Kikimora's question. "My lord, did you hear me? I think we need to—"</p>
  <p>"Belay the petrification, Kikimora," Belos cut in; he ignored the phantom gasps that accompanied it.</p>
  <p>"W-What? But the Owl Lady—"</p>
  <p>"There are more important things happening than dealing with some Wild Witch. Throw her in a cell somewhere and leave her there until I say otherwise. That's an order." Belos didn't wait for Kikimora to say anything else before he hung up on her. She didn't understand what was happening, so she was of no use to him.</p>
  <p>The Eson Searcher. That was the name of the device that had been activated, one Belos had brought with him to the Boiling Isles only a handful of witches other than himself would be familiar with. It had never been used once in its existence; he only had the dwarves of Nidavellir construct it for him as a precautionary measure, in case that power so foul ever made its way to the Demon Realm to interfere with his plans. So much time had gone by with it being silent that he had nearly forgotten it existed, but now that he was being reminded about it in full force, he knew that things were far worse than he could have predicted. As such, Belos melted into the ground and reappeared outside of the Owl Lady's old cell; if there was an epicenter to all of this, he had to guess that it would be there.</p>
  <p>When he arrived at her empty cell, he saw, to his surprise, the portal he had long coveted after floating in the air inside, but he couldn't make a move to grab it. He couldn't make a move to grab it because of the scarlet-colored magical energy spilling out of the portal that was slowly expanding outwards—he even had to step back a foot to keep it from touching him—that appeared to be making everything it touched look more human in various ways.</p>
  <p>"So. The infinite power of the human realm finally makes its way here, and the first thing it does is try to annoy me. That figures." More phantom laughter came out of nowhere. Belos wanted to snap at it, but his attention was instead captured by giant letters spelling out, "We'll Be Right Back" appearing in the air out of nowhere.</p>
  <p>Never did Belos imagine that a planned execution of a criminal would be one of his worst days ever, but here it was.</p>
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